AGING & DISABILITY SERVICES ADMINISTRATION
Tips for Talking about Long-Term Care
The first step in making long-term care decisions is for everyone involved to overcome their reluctance to talk about it. Many people put off this conversation because they are uncomfortable or unsure about how to bring it up. The person needing additional care may not want to admit their changing needs. Family members can have differing opinions about what should happen. Miles can separate concerned loved ones.
No matter what the circumstance, fear and discomfort leave everyone unprepared if a crisis occurs. Start talking and planning before an unexpected life crisis teaches you all the things you wished you had known ahead of time.
Ten tips for talking with your parents or loved ones about long-term care
- Do some homework and have some knowledge about the types of care available in your community (or where your loved one lives).
- Look for natural opportunities to bring the conversation up. An article in the newspaper or on the news, or a friend or relative’s illness can be the opening to start the conversation.
- Be clear about your own reasons for raising the issue. Let your loved one know you are concerned and want to do what is right for them. Explain your concerns rather than telling anyone what they should do.
- Don’t try to tackle too many issues at the beginning. It normally takes more than one conversation to figure out what to do. Be patient with the amount of time that may be needed to get everything out on the table. Many small steps are better then one huge leap that leaves everyone upset and more confused.
- Allow everyone time to process the information before making any major decisions.
- Understand emotions can be a big part of this discussion. Try to find a quiet space and time without a lot of other distractions to talk.
- Stay positive. It is normal to run into resistance the first time you bring up long term care topics.
- Suggest your loved one talk with a knowledgeable third party such as a case manager, a financial planner, or a lawyer that specializes in elder law. Often, some expert assistance helps.
- Don’t forget about the legal planning of preparing for long term care. Make sure that having a will and advance directives are part of your discussion.
- Be respectful. If your loved one refuses to discuss it, respect his/her wishes. You may have to be persistent and bring it up again at a later date.
Learn More
Prepare to Care – A Planning Guide for Families - This guide From AARP is designed to help you and other family members discuss and create a caregiving plan for yourself or an aging parent, other relative, close friend, or neighbor.
